We Need Time
by CMLeoLover
Summary: JJ was attacked the night after a case but she didn't tell anyone. It is eating her up inside and she can only find comfort in one person. But as a case related to the attack appears on her desk, she struggles to keep the secret.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer_:_ I don't own criminal minds or any of the characters, yet.

* * *

**_"Heart beats fast_**

**_Colours and promises_**

**_How to brave_**

**_How can I love when I'm afraid_**

**_To fall_**

**_But watching you stand alone_**

**_All of my doubt_**

**_Suddenly goes away somehow"_**

Watching her through her office window from the bullpen while pretending to fill out my reports made time fly by. Especially if your reports were finished 12 and a half minutes ago.

Her eyes darted around the room as if something or _someone_ was lurking in the shadows.

To tell you the truth, she had been like this for weeks.

Everyone had noticed. The team anyway.

She seemed detached from the world. She zoned out on the flights and her work wasn't up to scratch.

The fake smile, that never reached her eyes. The bags under eyes, which she tried to hide. The way she jumped if we came near her.

She hid behind the excuse of tiredness or "you surprised me". I knew better.

We're profilers. It's our job right? To observe human behaviour. Did I really see what was in her mind? Every time I though I came close to knowing she fell faster and faster. But she was still falling and I had yet to catch her.

She was slowly slipping through my fingers while I tried to capture every minute she was still here. The feeling that I was loosing her forever and that sense of guilt I couldn't deny at the time.

I had to talk to her, alone. We all tried but she just answered with "I'm just tired" or "I'm fine" before switching the attention to someone else.

She constantly clung to her necklace like it was a lifeline. She hadn't done that in four years. What happened to change her? One of the things I didn't know. But wish I did.

I let precious time go by. And why? I just don't know.

Sometimes I wish I could freeze the picture to save it from the funny tricks of time.

She was slowly slipping through my fingers. While I stood there. I watched and did nothing.

But it wasn't too late,

It was never too late for

Jennifer Jareau.

**_"One step closer."_**

* * *

All quotes used are from the song "a thousand years" by Christina Perri.

Well, thought I'd upload another story. Hope you like it**_._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_" I have died every day waiting for you_**  
**_Darling don't be afraid, _**  
**_I have loved you for a thousand years"_**

"Wheels up in 30"

Everyone rose from their chairs around me. To say I knew what the briefing was about would be a lie. Hopefully I would catch up while going over victimology on the jet. All I knew is that we were wanted for a serial arsonist case in Arizona.

I realised I was the only one remaining in the conference room and slowly rose from my chair. Before I made it to the door I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I jumped away from the sudden contact.

"Oh sorry sugarplum! Didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to know if you wanted to grab some lunch before you have to go..."

I instantly recognised the voice as Pen. I noticed I was breathing heavily and my heart was going 90 miles an hour.

"Sure." I managed as I tried to steady my breathing.

Great, now she going to ask a bunch of questions. I didn't plan on telling anyone any time soon what happened a month ago after that case in Chicago. I didn't plan on telling anyone at all.

Sure, I was living on only 3 hours sleep and it showed but I didn't want them to know, they _couldn't_ know.

I practically ran to my office to grab my go bag and some money to get a sandwich from the cafeteria downstairs with Garcia.

As I turned around I ran into Reid.

"God, Spence you scared me!" I stammered after taking a step back, leaning on my desk.

"JJ..." he started before I interrupted.

"Can't talk now, have to go get something to eat with Penelope, I can grab you something, coffee?" I rattled off before darting out the door leaving Spencer standing in the doorway of my office with a confused expression on his face.

I knew what he was going to say. It was the same question I get asked all the time. _"How are you?"_ is the usual one or for a change _"Are you alright?"_ It was starting to get annoying.

It won't be long before I start to get confronted by Hotch about not being on my game recently. It was obviously noticeable. I messed up twice this morning in a matter of 10 minutes. I had to be more careful.

It took one night to take every thing away from me. And it was taking longer then expected to get it back.

After getting a salad from the cafeteria with Pen and skilfully avoiding any questions discussing me we boarded the jet. I learned that there were fires being started in public places. There has been 24 victims so far, 7 were children. The fires were set in a school, a cinema and a bar so far. Only in the local bar did the unsub lock the doors from the outside. All inside were dead before help came.

If the unsub is sticking to his schedule then there should be another attack tonight. He operated in Phoenix and his attacks were spread across the city so it only made sense that the unsub lived in the area. They decided to put the officers patrolling the neighbourhood in hope of catching the person who was disrupting their city.

We arrived late so Hotch told us to go get some sleep and to meet at the station at 8am. We were staying at a nearby four star hotel thanks to Garcia.

We all split up into our separate rooms and thanks to me being the only woman on the team with Blake being away I got my own room. I closed the door not before over hearing Morgan pleading Hotch to not have to bunk with Spence.

For once I didn't have to worry about waking up to find someone else in my room. The only thing that was going to scare me at the moment was nightmares. I was haunted with them recently. I changed quickly and closed the curtains and blinds, thankful we were on the 4th floor.

I climbed into bed with a tank top and sweats on and after a few minutes of just lying on the bed I drifted into a restless sleep.

_**"I'll love you for a thousand more."**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**"Time stands still"**_

The case finished the next day, we caught the guy before he set a hospital up in flames. We profiled him as a white male in his late twenties to mid-thirties who had sustained burns and felt rejected from the people around him, so decided to hurt people the same way he was hurt. And we were right. The police patrolling the city managed to catch the unsub before he struck again.

It's days like these where I know why I do my job. To keep people from getting hurt, too bad others have to get hurt in the process.

Of course I was happy that the case was over and the guy was under lock and key but it meant that we were going home and home is where the problems are. I was going back to sleepless nights and well, fear.

On the plane I lay on the couch away from the others. Hotch and Morgan were talking about their plans for the weekend if we didn't get a case, Rossi was writing his book on his laptop while Reid was reading a book of some sort. I tried to stifle a laugh as the remember his outburst about only reading five books in the past four days.

My eyelids felt heavy and all I hope is that I wake up before we land...

* * *

"Come on Blondie, we are about to land."

I gasped as I woke up to see Derek standing over me with his hand on my shoulder.

I nod my head slightly as I try to gather myself. He had a perplexed expression on his face and I could tell he was breaking our number one rule, to not profile members of our team.

He took his seat and we all put on our seat belts as we waited to land at the airport.

* * *

"JJ!"

I spun around as I was about to get into my car to see Spence running towards me.

" I was just wondering if you could give me a lift home, Morgan and Garcia have already left, Blake isn't here and Hotch and Rossi are staying back to do reports..."

It sounded like I was his last choice but I didn't care. I told him to hop in and he did just that.

The ride to his apartment was silent. I have to admit it was extremely awkward. I could see Reid shifting in his seat and fidgeting with his hands at the corner of my eye. I could tell he wanted to ask me something.

"Spence, is everything ok?"

"I'm fine, I should be asking you." He gave me a knowing look and I knew instantly what he was talking about.

"I'm fine." I insisted through gritted teeth.

"If you ask me, you are anything but fine, you jump if anyone touches you, you distance yourself from everyone, you..."

"I get it Reid, I'm ok," tears were starting to form in my eyes as I remember the events of that night.

"JJ, no you are not, you've changed, you just aren't the same anymore!" He was starting to raise his voice.

I pulled over to his apartment and turned to him with tear filled eyes and that is when I told him everything.

_**"Beauty in all she is."**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_"I will be brave,"_**

_I pulled over to his apartment and that is when I told him everything._

"I...I...I...you remember when we got home after that case in Chicago with that guy...Steven Hawks and he was killing kids?" Of course he remembered it, he has a bloody eidetic memory for goodness sake.

I continued when I saw him nod hesitantly. "Well, when I got back to my apartment..." at this point I started to shake involuntarily and I could feel his hand on my knee as if he was urging me to continue.

"I went straight to my bedroom, t-that's when I noticed my w-window was open, I didn't think anything of it - I should have, I was so stupid!" Spence wiped a tear away from my cheek, I was immediately embarrassed and my cheeks started to go a bright red.

"I was about to get into bed when I got hit in the head with something, I must have passed out because I then woke up and I...I..." my breathing was erratic and I couldn't look him in the eye.

"I was tied to my own bed Spence! I - he tied me to my own bed and he...he"

"Did he rape you Jayje?" Spence looked at me as tears continued to cascade down my cheeks.

I nodded slowly and started crying hysterically. This is when he realised we were still in my car. He led my up the stairs to his apartment and led me to his couch.

I was surrounded by books everywhere and if it wasn't for the situation I was in I probably would have laughed.

Spence appeared back from the kitchen with drinks and sat down beside me.

" JJ we have to tell the team." His tone was soft but serious. I knew he was right but they couldn't know.

"No." I left no room for argument.

"Maybe not right away but soon, I don't like seeing you like this, this shouldn't have happened to you - this shouldn't happened to anyone!" He added.

I was still crying uncontrollably and agreed with him.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?"

I haven't slept much since the incident and I felt a sense of relief when he asked me.

I nodded and that's when I leaned into his embrace and knew I was safe and for the first time in a month I knew everything would be ok.

_**"I will not let anything**_

_**take away**_

_**What's standing in front of me."**_


End file.
